Limbo…

Limbo…

And no, not the fun limbo that you did on rollerblades at the local skating rink.

Do you still have skating rinks where you are? We do…..

Thanks everyone for the sweet messages on my BETA post. So sorry I didn’t respond back. It has taken me a while to ‘face the music.’ Sorry, I am a terrible blogger!

Anyhoo, had my appointment with the RE last week. She said that she was disappointed to see us. That if she was a betting women she would have been sure that we would have gotten pregnant last cycle. But we didn’t. Not even a hint of a baby trying to implant.

She hits us with what she thinks: natural killer cells are too high and she wants to treat me as such next cycle. I would take baby aspirin, prednisone, high dose of folic acid and intralipids.

She doesn’t want to test for them because she thinks our money would be well spent on the transfer and not on the test.

I don’t know what to do.

I have been googling (which is sometimes all you can do). I have been reading about natural killer cells and autoimmune disorders and the side effects of steroids, etc., etc., etc.

I have hypothyroidism and I have read where women with hypothyroidism can develop an autoimmune disease where your natural killer cells attack your thyroid. Do you know that your thyroid and your ovaries are kind of like sisters in the hormone world? Who would have thunk it? Anyways, this can lead to infertility.

I kind of makes sense to me, this whole “natural killer cells” thing. I don’t get sick. Ever. I think the last time I was sick was in 2011. I just don’t. I have always felt in my gut that it was an implantation issue. That feeling felt even stronger after the IVF in April where we had such strong numbers.

But should I get tested? Even if I do get tested, it won’t change the plan of attack for the next FET. Should I get an second opinion? Should I get a lap done? (I read that people with hypothyroidism have a higher chance of endo and PCOS-which I have a little bit of). I don’t have any endo symptoms but that doesn’t mean I don’t have it.

I am going back gluten free again because I read that that helps your thyroid. I went hog crazy on gluten after my BETA came back a big fat 0. Drowned my sorrows in a big bowl of pasta and it was good.

I just don’t know what to do. And I can’t tell if it is because my gut is telling me not to or if I am so scared of it not working again.

I know that there is a chance that it won’t work, so that sucks. Then we could be close to being out of insurance money and out of luck and still baby-less. But what if it does? What if this is the reason that it hasn’t worked naturally for us? What if my body is like the really powerful ol’ maid that’s like “NOT IN MY HOUSE” when the embryo comes down the pipes?

I have been praying about it. I asked God to give me a sign. But I had a weird dream instead. I dreamed I was pregnant and I kept saying in the dream, “It must be twins because the line is so dark. They just put them back on Thursday.”

Later in the week, DH and I were talking about when we could do the transfer. September is just too soon for me. November I have a work meeting that I have to be at (and the transfer could be the same day or the day after) so no go. And the clinic takes December off. So October is the only month left this year we can do it. So, I mapped out my tentative transfer based on my cycle and….

IT WILL (POSSIBLY) BE ON A THURSDAY.

Probably a big coincidence but I can’t shake this feeling that maybe it’s not….

XOXO

M

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