Second Opinions

Hey guys!

SC has finally starting to dry up from all the rain we have had. Columbia’s water is still bad and clean up is still going on so we have been thankful for nice weather.

Finally put on my big girl panties and called two other fertility clinics in our area to get a second opinion. Hubs and I debated on doing another transfer before the holidays but I just didn’t feel ready. So during this wait-and-see time I am going to see what other professionals are thinking when they look at my chart.

I told my mom about my new appointments and she was worried about how I was going to get my records from my current RE.

Umm. Just call them. I might be awkward but oh well. I am just another patient.

I think she was worried that my current RE wouldn’t treat me if I saw someone else. I told her not to worry. This is not like some awkward break up….just testing the waters. And hey, I probably will come back. I have 8 little embryos just chilling in the freezer.

So tomorrow I am doing the awkward phone call to see if I can get my records. I thought that would be less noticeable that sending those release form from the new REs. I guess I will have to pay for them? I don’t know.

Hope everyone is hanging in there. Can’t believe how fast October is moving! The holidays will be here before we know it.

MMM

Isaiah 42:3

  
Only one word I would use to describe my beautiful state of South Carolina.

Devastation.

Never in my life have I seen such tragedy. People have lost everything in this flooding: their homes, their belongings, their cars. 

Roads are washed away, dams collapsed, homes destroyed, people evacuated, lives uprooted.

In my hometown we got more than 10 inches of rain in 12 hours. Thankfully my house only suffered a few leaks that can easily be fixed. I can’t imagine how it would feel to lose it all.

We are stranded because of roads being washed away. Even though we live in a higher-populated part of the state, we still have back roads that are used everyday that are now completely gone.

Columbia is without water and will be for 3 to 4 days. Right now fire trucks are pumping water into hospitals to help keep the equipment cool and running.

It will take months, even years, for our beautiful state to get back to normal. Mother Nature is so powerful; it blows my mind when I think about a rain storm of this magnitude and the destruction it has caused. It is being described as a weather event that hasn’t been seen or will be seen in thousands of years. Just a freak thing with the right conditions for disaster.

Please pray for our state. Please pray for the families who have lost everything. Please pray for the police officers, transportation workers, firefighters and other personnel who are working around the clock to help those in need. 

Just pray.

M

Limbo…

And no, not the fun limbo that you did on rollerblades at the local skating rink.

Do you still have skating rinks where you are? We do…..

Thanks everyone for the sweet messages on my BETA post. So sorry I didn’t respond back. It has taken me a while to ‘face the music.’ Sorry, I am a terrible blogger!

Anyhoo, had my appointment with the RE last week. She said that she was disappointed to see us. That if she was a betting women she would have been sure that we would have gotten pregnant last cycle. But we didn’t. Not even a hint of a baby trying to implant.

She hits us with what she thinks: natural killer cells are too high and she wants to treat me as such next cycle. I would take baby aspirin, prednisone, high dose of folic acid and intralipids.

She doesn’t want to test for them because she thinks our money would be well spent on the transfer and not on the test.

I don’t know what to do.

I have been googling (which is sometimes all you can do). I have been reading about natural killer cells and autoimmune disorders and the side effects of steroids, etc., etc., etc.

I have hypothyroidism and I have read where women with hypothyroidism can develop an autoimmune disease where your natural killer cells attack your thyroid. Do you know that your thyroid and your ovaries are kind of like sisters in the hormone world? Who would have thunk it? Anyways, this can lead to infertility.

I kind of makes sense to me, this whole “natural killer cells” thing. I don’t get sick. Ever. I think the last time I was sick was in 2011. I just don’t. I have always felt in my gut that it was an implantation issue. That feeling felt even stronger after the IVF in April where we had such strong numbers.

But should I get tested? Even if I do get tested, it won’t change the plan of attack for the next FET. Should I get an second opinion? Should I get a lap done? (I read that people with hypothyroidism have a higher chance of endo and PCOS-which I have a little bit of). I don’t have any endo symptoms but that doesn’t mean I don’t have it.

I am going back gluten free again because I read that that helps your thyroid. I went hog crazy on gluten after my BETA came back a big fat 0. Drowned my sorrows in a big bowl of pasta and it was good.

I just don’t know what to do. And I can’t tell if it is because my gut is telling me not to or if I am so scared of it not working again.

I know that there is a chance that it won’t work, so that sucks. Then we could be close to being out of insurance money and out of luck and still baby-less. But what if it does? What if this is the reason that it hasn’t worked naturally for us? What if my body is like the really powerful ol’ maid that’s like “NOT IN MY HOUSE” when the embryo comes down the pipes?

I have been praying about it. I asked God to give me a sign. But I had a weird dream instead. I dreamed I was pregnant and I kept saying in the dream, “It must be twins because the line is so dark. They just put them back on Thursday.”

Later in the week, DH and I were talking about when we could do the transfer. September is just too soon for me. November I have a work meeting that I have to be at (and the transfer could be the same day or the day after) so no go. And the clinic takes December off. So October is the only month left this year we can do it. So, I mapped out my tentative transfer based on my cycle and….

IT WILL (POSSIBLY) BE ON A THURSDAY.

Probably a big coincidence but I can’t shake this feeling that maybe it’s not….

XOXO

M

Beta is in

And it is a big fat 0. Nothing happened.

So here’s to a month off and an appointment with the doctor to try to make sense of all this. 

Xo

M

6dp5dt is a BFN

Welp. I caved. 

And it was white as they always have been.

Been feeling super depressed all day. Yesterday I had some intense cramping that is not existent today. So maybe they are still doing something down there. But trying not to get my hopes up.

Beta is in Friday morning. I ain’t testing again. Will update then!

M

5dp5dt

Feeling…..nothing. Maybe a little off. But that is it.

Yesterday I was really nauseous toward the end of the day but I think that was because I ate too many peaches. Yummmmm.

Anyway, my urine smells funny. I am not sure if it is from the progesterone shots or from something else. I don’t remember my urine smelling during the mock trial (trust me, I would have mentioned it) so I don’t know. 

I haven’t tested. I am not one of those people who have to test all the time. I can always hold out until my period (or beta this time around). But I got the feeling that I should test. But I am scared it will be stark white. 

M

2dp5dt

Here we are. Two days into my FET.

One word: CRAMPING

Started last night and it was intense. I have only had cramping on and off today and it has been very light. Trying to stay positive.

M

One of the worst weekend of my life!!!!!

We had to put our sweet Charleigh girl down yesterday. My heart is breaking! 

 

I am trying to stay as positive as possible for my transfer on Wednesday. Please say a little prayer for me and my husband. We are dealing with a lot of sh** right now.

FET scheduled for next Wednesday

It is crazy that I have finally reached my FET. It has been a long time coming. So much has happened this week, so praying for an uneventful next two weeks ….maybe ending in a BFP!

My doggie took a turn for the worst this past weekend and it looked as though we were am going to have to put her down. She quit eating and was having diarrhea. She could hardly stand up. It broke my heart so much. But today, she is eating and happy and spunky. I told her she can’t die next week. That was an order.

Ultrasound today shows my lining at 10mm and tripled layered. Yay! Have more blood work on Monday. Then transfer on Wednesday! 

Taking Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off from work to bed rest it. I have having a debate with my MIL. She wants me to stay in the downstairs bedroom so I don’t have to move much. I really want to spend my time in my own bed (I LOVE MY BED!!!!!) but I have to walk up the stairs.

What do you recommend? How much bed rest did you take after your transfer?

Will touch base next week!

M

Sorry for being MIA

I am back! Sorry for being missing in action! Things have been severely uneventful in my neck of the woods the last couple of weeks until now (which is a super blessing)!

Took my last BC pill tonight and as soon as I start my period I start my FET. I can’t believe it is finally here. Praying for success but know that it may not come. 

I am trying to stay as gluten free as possible but it is so hard! I ate a brownie tonight and it was so good, but I felt so bad afterward. Just guilty. But my belly was super happy! I am also drinking raspberry leaf tea (when I can remember). I am also trying to stay as stress free as possible (which is not working very well).

My sweet 12-year -old doggie just got diagnosed with chronic kidney failure. We knew it was coming; she has diabetes and Cushing’s Disease, but it really happened fast. We are giving her fluids under the skin to help her flush out toxins in her kidneys but that is pretty much all we can do. She is still pretty spunky now but the vet said that when the time comes we will know. My heart is just broken! 

 
I am not sure if this makes me selfish or not but I am so scared she is gonna die during my FET and it won’t work because I am so upset. I just keep praying that Charleigh can make it until after that time.

She is my girl! I begged my husband for a dog right after we got married. He finally agreed to take me to a pet shelter here to pick one out. It was Thanksgiving weekend. When we pulled up, I saw this little white dog just shivering in her cage. I walked up to her and told my husband “I want this one. This is my dog.” M asked if I wanted to look around. I didn’t. It was just something about her that I knew that she was mine. It was a weird feeling. And she had been dropped off that day only hours before. She is actually a AKC registered Westie as the shelter is suppose to hold her for a waiting list but THANKFULLY we knew one of the volunteers handling the adoptions and she let us have her. Charleigh girl was seven years old then. She was diagnosed with diabetes soon after that. (That is why my husband is such a good shot giver during IVF!!!!)

She has been with me through it all. She was with me when my hubby was off playing baseball during the summer. She has also been one of the best guard dogs around. She has gotten moody in her old age but she is the best at snuggling. We have been trying to do her favorite things like go for walks and chase squirrels or snuggle on the couch with me. I want to cherish these days with her!

I am gonna miss her when she is gone. I have always had a feeling that she would die before we had kids. Looks like that has a real possibility of happening.

I will post later in the week when I get my protocol!

Until then….

M